Attending the GOP debate party, our small group stuck out like pedophiles perusing an elementary school. Especially my friend – ironically masquerading in a tucked-in button-down, trucker cap, and American flag poking from his front pocket like a steadfast patriotic hard-on – as he seemed to silence the fancy bar while pretending to register for McCain campaign support. Perhaps the cap was a bit much.
After registering (using previous home addresses and phone numbers yanked from thin air) and slapping on name tags, we headed straight to the bar for stiff cocktails and overpriced appetizers. The first thing I noticed was how beautiful and well-dressed everyone was. Perhaps it was due to the inherent class of the Los Angeles bar. I like to think this is how young Republicans dress: confident, business-like, in charge. I wore a Lego skull t-shirt and tattered sneakers, grinning as I ordered a Jack and coke.
While I’m not officially affiliated with any political party, I most certainly lean towards the left. I think leftist thoughts (end the oil and terror wars, restore our raped personal freedoms), read leftist news (CNN, The Huffington Post), and cast leftist votes. And this year I was genuinely excited to be riding the Obama bus to a land of fresh change.
Our original plan was to assimilate ourselves into this GOP atmosphere – to become spies behind enemy trenches – but this was became increasingly difficult. Keeping a straight face while Sarah Palin dodged and pivoted her responses proved challenging, and cheering against legal homosexual unions was heart-sinking. In fairness, I felt Palin executed herself better that I expected. She appeared confident and strong, skillfully dancing around the moderated questions without stammering or breaking a sweat. It was a foul game of hide and seek. I applauded her deceptiveness while the rest of the bar simultaneously applauded her stances.
At one point, after downing a few Jacks, I boisterously scrutinized Joe Biden for misspeaking and correcting himself. A girl sitting at an adjacent table who had been suspiciously staring us down the entire evening turned to me and shared the enthusiasm. “That’s Joe being Joe, incoherent as always,” she said to me, smiling. “Yeah, he has no idea what he’s babbling about,” I agreed. I briefly contemplated jumping on this hot Republican ticket – the juicy boner party ticket – before shaking myself back to drunken reality.
And then the debate was over. There was no buckshot blasting through the air, no cries accusing Biden of terrorism connections – not even a virginal Green Party sacrifice. The crowd went back to drinking and talking as we slid out with little fanfare.
Driving back from LA in the early morning, I harbored a feeling of disappointment over the GOP debate party. Why was I expecting something so obscenely different from watching politics with my leftist friends? Last night I saw us at the bar: cheering for our candidate’s critical points, groaning while our opponent misspoke, clinking glasses when victory seemed obvious, neither side venturing into outlandish territory yet still believing our choice was the only correct choice.
Throughout the following week, I began including more “rightist” publications such as Fox News and the Washington Times, going out of my way to seek as many levels of conservative media as I could. It was like reading news in a parallel universe. There were reports of countless Obama and Biden gaffes including embarrassing stuttering and statements requiring fact checking. There were stories about children wearing extreme conservative t-shirts to school and getting suspended. There were timelines debunking the Democratic ticket’s experience and accomplishments. It was eerily familiar – in fact, it was everything I was reading from my side of the fence, but about my side of the fence.
All the while, I winced as the unconstitutional Bailout Plan slipped through taxpayers fingers and into law, basically shoveling materialized cash into the coffers of Goldman Sachs and friends while further weakening our dollar. Who would vote for this abomination – and so quick and recklessly? Why, all three of our candidates with the power to do so (sorry Sarah).
With a compounding sinking feeling, I turned to one final source before deconstructing my once semi-optimistic views of our political system: the campaign contribution lists. And sure enough, Goldman Sachs was the top contributor to date in Barack Obama’s campaign. In fact, both lists have similar guests appearances:
And sadly, this is only a small glimpse of who’s really in charge.
Last week it dawned on me that I had been sucked into the dog and pony show performed by our two-party system and presented by the media owned by it. I’m not here to tell you who to vote for (even though I still consider myself left-leaning) or unleash a storm of concrete “news” (the circus of hidden agendas) and “facts” (objective grand pictures seem almost mythical). I’m urging you to step away from the show, attempt to consider the big picture using whatever sources you have at your disposal as a civilian, and realize who you’re competing against. There are much larger issues than Obama visiting 58 states or McCain finishing at the bottom of his naval academy class, such as how one large independent bank is running our entire country into the ground. But I digress.
Perhaps it’s time we took a cute kitten break. And, please, keep your hands where I can see them.
