I recently obtained a killer box. Check this shit out:

I’m naturally excited about the possibilities although my box repurposing skills are quite rusty; the last epic box encounter I had was probably in middle school, and by then I was too busy crying about my pathetic life to care. But before middle school thrust it’s dagger through my stomach, I remember boxes being mystical devices: peanut butter spearhead factories, giant cardboard glow worms, the entire cast of Silver Spoons ...the possibilities were infinite, much like Nick and Norah’s Playlist. Unfortunately, my “mystical devices” these days equate to bonus closet space and the “Credit Bumper” – a machine that raises your credit score proportional to the amount of nickels you feed it.

I decided to do some deep thinking and soul searching. If I could transform this killer box into anything, what would I choose? After a few days of pondering, I drafted this list.

Albatross Bird Bath

Dinosaur Jack-in-the-Box

Tiny Jack in the Box

Ghost Trap

Internet Confession Booth

Hot Sex Booth

Chuck Wagon

Portal to Brax, City of the Undead

Portal to Toys R Us on 28th Street in Grand Rapids, Michigan

Aborted Zombie Fetus Containment Unit (AZFCU)

The direction I take will be a tough decision, but I’m confident I’ll be happy with any of these choices.

Or I might just throw the box out. Or sell it. Anyone in the market for killer box?

Oh, and if you thought you were about to read a post about “sweet pussy”, you were sorely mistaken. Check back next week.