First, you must select a situation. This situation will most likely be at the end of something, but the beginning of something is not unheard of. Know that some situations require a bow due to social standards, while bowing in other situations can be detrimental. Social situations are preferable but feel free to bow in isolation should the situation arise.

If you are having trouble discovering a situation, know this about life: It is an infallible chain of situations. Take your pick. This step will become natural.

Here are appropriate situations to bow at the end of:

• Yanking a tablecloth from under a table cluttered with dinner.
  • If the trick was successful, it will add flair.
  • If the trick was a disaster, it will add humor.
• Catching yourself from falling down a flight of stairs.
• Serving a grand breakfast.
• Butchering karaoke.
  • If the performance was exceptionally bad, take another bow.
• Rescuing a kitten stranded on an inflatable donut in the middle of an above-ground pool.

Here are appropriate situations to bow at the beginning of:

• Greeting royalty.
• Moments before crawling into a cannon with the intent of being shot through five flaming rings.
• Serving a grand breakfast.
• Taking the podium during a “how to bow” seminar.

Here are situations where bowing is unacceptable:

• Punching someone in the stomach because their parents just bought them an Xbox 360.
• Rape.
• Stranding a kitten on an inflatable donut in the middle of an above-ground pool.
  • May be acceptable if the kitten is unlikable.
• Getting caught eating unpurchased bananas at Albertsons.
• Ordering waffles.
  • May be acceptable if overcoming a breakfast-related phobia.

After you have selected a situation, it’s time to start bowing. Place your right hand over your waist and place your left hand behind your lower back. If you are left-handed, reverse this placement and ponder the cards life has dealt you. Now, bend your torso forward while keeping your balance. Pause a moment before resuming an upright position, hands at your sides.

The duration of your bow depends on many factors:

• For larger audiences, bow deeper.
• If a beautiful girl was entwined in the chosen situation, bow deeper.
• If clapping is vigorous, bow deeper.
• For life-threatening situations, bow deeper.
• For any situation involving kittens or waffles, bow deeper.

Once your bow is complete, return to your life as normal. Nobody prizes arrogance, save the arrogant. Understand that while the bow offers a fleeting burst of pleasure, more opportunities to utilize this performance tool will surface during the course of your life – unless you become quadriplegic. In that case, ponder the cards life has dealt you, purchase some voice recognition software, and enroll in World of Warcraft.

Hope this helps.